Dave Just Wants to Be Normal

A cloaked and hooded figure approached Dave as he walked down the street towards the movie theater.

“I know you think what you’ve got to say is very important and the fate of one or more worlds probably depends on it, but I really don’t care,” Dave said. “I’ve got to go see the new Moon Skirmish, so if you’ll excuse me.” He made to step around it.

The hooded figure stepped in the same direction, perfectly in step with Dave. “Quite right, Dave,” came a pleasant baritone from somewhere within the shadows of the hood. “The fate of multiple worlds – planets, actually – depend on your assistance. In fact, it would not be an exaggeration to say that the entire galaxy will depend on you in the coming days and weeks. I’m not an alien,” he added.

Dave raised an eyebrow. “Well done, good for you,” he said. “Everyone should strive to not be an alien. I myself am not an alien. But that’s a bit off-topic, Mr. Not-An-Alien. I don’t want to have the galaxy depending on a single person, that’s a bit heavy and I’ve done it already. I want to see a a fictionalized version of it in that movie theater, so…” he stepped in the other direction.

The hooded figure stepped with him again. “I really must insist, Dave. I’m sorry to prevent you from seeing this Moon Skirmish of yours, but as you say it is fiction. The reality is far more dangerous and certainly more important. And, as I said, I’m definitely not an alien.”

“A little advice for you, Not-An-Alien,” Dave said. “Talking up the dangers of something probably isn’t the best way to convince someone to join you. Unless they’re into extreme sports.”

“What are extreme sports?” asked the figure. “I’m not an alien, by the way.”

“Yes, I know. Extreme sports are activities for which one of the attractions is the high danger compared to other activities. Stuff like skydiving and bungie jumping.”

“Oh, I see. Well, will you come? Also, I’m still not an alien.”

Dave shook his head. “No, I’m really looking forward to this new movie.”

The hooded figured growled. “I must have you! The fate of the galaxy is at stake! And I’m not an alien!”

“Yeah yeah, I know. Listen, how about that guy?” Dave asked, pointing to someone walking out of the theater in full costume. “He’s clearly already seen the movie.”

“No, it must be you! Your father-”

“Blah blah blah, copyrighted term starting with j,” Dave interrupted as the hooded figure muttered under his breath about not being an alien. “Listen, just talk to that guy. Give him a shot. I guarantee he’ll be ecstatic to join you.”

“But-”

“And your whole ‘not an alien’ spiel doesn’t fool me. Methinks lady doth protest too much.” Dave flipped back the figures hood, revealing a perfectly normal human face, with perhaps a slightly unusual forehead. “I knew it! Alien, right there. Now go say hi to the nice nerd and take him to space.”

“Fine,” grumbled the alien, walking over to the costumed nerd. Dave, meanwhile, continued on the movie theater. It was a good thing he had left so much extra time before the film actually started, as before he got there he had to fight off a bounty hunter, give a robot directions to his former owner, and rudely tell off the mysterious old wizard who refused to believe he was looking for someone else.

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